Sometimes it's hard to get through this time of year the best way you can. Parents of children with special needs know what I'm talking about — the last few weeks before December break can be a minefield of demands from family members and friends on top of all the other pressures they face with their kids. If you're one of those parents, I've created this handy dandy list of 7 simple things that every parent needs at Holiday time.
#1 Patience, Compassion, and Understanding (from everyone!)
The Bible says:
And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me. ~ Matthew 25:40
As you become patient, compassionate, and understanding of kids with special needs and their families, you do that to God.
Being patient, disciplined, and loving to a child who worsens his behavior day after day isn't easy. Imagine doing it every single day! It can be exhausting, overwhelming, and depressing to some parents.
We, parents of special needs kids, were given such a special task to fulfill.
As a parent of one, I’d be a hypocrite if I told you everything is a breeze and easy.
This little boy would struggle (and it broke my heart each time I see him internally struggling and it wasn’t even his choice).
He would make our family struggle (but thanks to God, we are over that phase but still every day is a learning day for all of our family members).
There would be marital fights (there’s a lot, I tell especially when my husband was abroad and I do all things here in the Philippines thus the deep prayer I made for him to come back here and be with us for good here in the Philippines - an answered prayer!) surrounding his life.
Worry, anxiety, confusion, and anger would stem from my youngest child’s existence.
So, each time you see a mom or a dad, trying to pacify their child with Autism as the child undergoes a meltdown in a mall or inside a restaurant, please lower your eyes gazes, don’t get judgmental. Instead, show compassion and approach them if you feel like it to ask if there’s anything you can help with.
Behind the struggles, comes LOVE. Yes, and it’s day after day. Through the challenges, it would persist because love is a choice. I always believe that. LOVE IS A CHOICE.
I'm trying, and my whole family is trying, making the best decision for this child and choosing to love and raise him. The pain is still hard, but it isn’t going to stop me or my family from doing all that we can. I could say the same is true for all the parents like me. All parents are like that, isn’t it? Whether their child is neurotypical or special needs, we would always want the best for them.
Unless you are raising a child with special needs, you don’t know what it is like to take everything you thought you knew about parenting and dish them out the window.
#2 A Sensory-Friendly Environment
First, what is a Sensory-Friendly Environment?
Simply put, a sensory-friendly environment is an interior design that has been designed to be more calming for the senses.
Sensory experiences include vision, hearing, taste, touch, and smell.
Another thing that contributes to your sense of self is coordination, balance, and movement.
As parents of the neurodivergent child, we try to “read” and “observe” our environment for clues. Like when we plan to go to a restaurant, we do check out the lighting, color, sound, textures, unfamiliar touch, and unusual smells which can all be possible discomfort for “Sensory Avoiders”.
If you happen to be the event organizer of a family reunion, for example, and you know that one of your family members has a child with special needs, go out of the way to ask the venue if there is a way to use softer lighting or spray a favorite aroma to increase the special needs child’s tolerance to the unfamiliar events and avoid a meltdown?
For kids who are understimulated and are more of a ‘Sensory Seeker’, asking them to sit and stay quiet for long periods of time may be more than what they can handle.
Try to look for a spot where there is a child’s playground nearby or even indoors where the neurodivergent child member can easily go to release the excess energy or fill the sensory he or she is seeking.
If we help the parents of a neurodivergent child to advocate for them as well, by showing others how the power of well-designed multisensory environments can change the stress response of the ND child, then it is already a BIG HELP for the neurodivergent child and their parents.
#3 Extra help during the holidays so parents can have a little more time for themselves
Between Year-end Last minute shopping, helping out with kids' school activities prior to December break, and work deadlines, therapy appointments, and doctor visits, it can be hard for any parent of a neurodivergent child to find "me" time.
It takes a lot of energy to raise a special needs child, and then top it with appointments here and there, filling out paperwork, reading new studies and research articles, caring for your child during difficult and stressful times or in between meltdown moments, or cooking special foods for your child because of their allergies, intolerances, or feeding challenges.
For us parents of differently-abled kids, hiring a babysitter (or a Yaya) is not always as easy as it should be - not everyone can afford it, that’s one and two, there’s scarcity as most of them are abroad already doing the job of a domestic helper in UAE, Canada, Hong Kong or Singapore.
Worst-case scenario, your biological family members like your siblings or your parents, aside from being busy during the holidays, might also be too overwhelmed and exhausted. So, who else shall we run to have our well-deserved ‘me-time’?
Support groups can be helpful, but do we even have them here in the Philippines?
We do, I found one in Quezon City!
The Kaisahang Buhay Foundation, Inc. has a Day Care Center that accepts children with special needs.
The parents of the KBF Day Care Center children:
pay a participation fee of P3.00 per day to cover the costs of learning materials, school supplies, and supplemental feeding.
attend meetings, parenting workshops, and counseling sessions for the best interests of their children.
serve as volunteers in marketing, cooking, serving supplemental feeding, assisting in cleaning their particular Center and its premises, and acting as teacher’s aides
To learn more about this service, click here.
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